I Need You!

Oh my goodness...where do I begin. It's been so long since I have written, no wonder my brain is mush. I need to get stuff out of this head and onto some paper. The bad for sure but mostly the good. I must remind myself of all that God has done. I need to see the written proof.

I am fifty-one and have struggled with anxiety/depression for my entire life. There have been many hard times...especially those first depressive episodes when I didn't  even know what depression was let alone how to deal with it.  But time has helped and I have learned of many ways to cope. I have an entire bag full of tricks. Well, I thought i did....until recently. The last seven weeks of my life have been awful. We are talking ugly, horrific, dreadful and even somewhat alarming. It's been a harrowing (as in extremely disturbing) time in my life.  I have been totally out of sorts and I can't get it together. All of my usual tricks for pulling myself together have failed and left me exasperated, empty, lonely, confused and  angry. But mostly......panicked. Seriously, after an entire lifetime of struggling with depression and learning all of the tricks and coping mechinisms...it is horrifying when what has usually worked starts to fall short. I have been in panic mode and I'm scared. have you ever heard the hymn..."I Need Thee Every Hour?" Well, only those who truely struggle with depression know what that prayer really means. When you are paralyzed and breathless with depression an hourly visit ain't gonna cut it. Not even every minute will do. We are needing Jesus for every second, every breath.
One thing that really helps me is listening to  music written by other Christ followers! The next several songs are songs that I will be posting are songs that have helped me over the last three months!

Thank You God for Christ followers that You have gifted musically. I am so thankful for the lyrics of these songs! It is amazing how Your Holy Spirit works through music to encourage and comfort the human heart in ways that nothing else can. Bless these song writers and may You continue to inspire them with songs of hope for this hurting world!

I NEED YOU....Josh Bales

My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I'm walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out

I need You, Oh, I need You
Blessed Savior come
I need You, Oh, I need You
You're the every longing of my soul

Oh, how I need You, Lord
I need Your perfect Word
With tearful eyes to see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

My bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
And I keep falling in

I need You, Oh, I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, Oh, I need You
Yaweh, how I love You more than life

Oh, how I need You, Lord
I need Your perfect Word
With tearful eyes to see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

Your silence is like death to me
So won't You hear my desperate plea

Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys,
They're all just passing by
It's not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I've been lifted higher
Yaweh's lifted me in His own strength

Oh, how I love You, Lord
I love Your perfect Word
With tearful eyes to see
The God who always will endure
Now I will celebrate
For all the thousand ways
That You have shown me grace
And made my heart in grace to stay
You've made my heart in grace to stay
You've made my heart in grace to stay