When I went to bed last night I was already excited to wake up this morning because I sensed that I was going to have a special meeting with God today. And was it ever! I was out for a run in the snow, a combination that can't go wrong because I love both. My ipod was set at ramdom. HA! The songs popped up ramdomly but God in His supremacy was in complete control. Nicole Nordeman's song, "Every Season" came on. Oh to be a songwriter that can articulate the culmination of thoughts, feelings and emotions that many of us can't come up with on our own. Following is a verse in the song...the verse about winter.
And everything in time and under Heaven finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white all creation shivers underneath
And still I notice You when branches crack and in my breath on frosted glass.
Even now in death You open doors for Life to enter
You are winter
So, I am running along, listening to this song and suddenly I was overwhelmed with God's presense. It was literally heavy, pressing into me, and yet I was feeling stronger. As I listened to the lyrics of the song I realized that I'd forgotton how much I had once loved winter. But that was a very small thing in comparisson to what else was going on. I was gaining strength from every step that I took and I was also gaining God as He filled me with Himself with every breath that I breathed. I was so overwhelmed. But why? I silently wondered, "what are You showing me?"... as though there was going to be some specific message. Right then, I realized that He was showing me Himself. There was no profound message. God was showing me Himself. (I have experienced this kind of God revealing Himself to me two times before (one of those times is in the first blog I ever wrote entitled Robin's testimony). I was overwhelmed with His love, His power, His control, His supremacy, His glory, His presence. In every verse of the song as Nicole sings of the four seasons the line that I so connect with is "and still I notice You." When the world walks around oblivious to thier surroundings, complaining about everything, including the snow, the ice and the cold she sang, and still I notice You. And everytime she sings that phrase my heart cries, Yes! Yes! Yes! I notice You God. And I want to cry out to whoever may be near, "Do you see that? Do you see God? Do you notice God right there? I wonder if Mosas may have felt anything like me as he stood in the presence of God. Did he feel God pressing in on him? I know one thing, I was certainly glad that He didn't ask me to take off my shoes.
As I got closer to home I was running out of breath but it wasn't becasuse of the cold or because I was running so fast. I was so full of God and His Spirit that I couldn't breathe any longer. It was like, there was no more room inside of me. I nearly collapsed as I stumbled in the door. The weight of His presence was the best of all heavies. I was so awe struck. I wonder, as Jesus carried that cross, was part of His joy the weight of God's presence in that cross? Tears were pouring down my face and I didn't want them to stop. I wanted to lay face down and cry forever but I didn't know if I would ever be able to get back up. All I could think was "You are...O my God...You are."
You are summer, fall, winter and spring! You are. O my God...You are.
Father God, Abba, Daddy, You are the great I am. And I know that I am only because You are.
Thank you for choosing me ....I don't understand. Continue to surround me with Your presence. I want to share in the weight of your suffering that I may also share in the joy. Oh my God, it is my prayer that I never fail to notice YOU. Give me boldness to share You with others. When my heart cries out, may my voice follow! Amen.
